“You really don’t think she’s pretty?” she asked. I’m always asked stupid questions like this. And they are stupid questions. If you don’t think some girl that everyone else thinks is pretty is pretty, you have to defend it for some reason.
“No, I don’t think she is pretty,” I answered. “She may have the capability of making herself look pretty on TV, but I bet she looks like hell in the morning.”
“What about her?” she asked, pointing to the waitress.
“She’s good looking, but she has way too much makeup on. I bet it took her two hours to get ready. Two hours to get ready to go work at a dump like this.”
“So what if she works here? That doesn’t take away or add to how good looking she is.”
I stared across the table. “I think it does.”
“If you are that concerned with how you look, that it takes you two hours to get ready to go to work, I think that takes away from a person’s beauty.” I said it with confidence.
“Then we aren’t talking about beauty anymore then. You are talking about personality.”
“No. You are talking about beauty as if it were some thing you can put on before you go to work. And you are saying that for some people it takes them two hours. To me, that’s not beauty.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked. And this is where most conversations like this lead to.
I can’t talk about this stuff to people. They just end up thinking I’m a terrible person.
“I’m saying that if a person takes two hours to get ready to go somewhere, anywhere, no matter how good they look at the end of the two hours, they are not beautiful to me. There is something wrong with a person that takes two hours to get ready to go somewhere.”
“So, if someone takes that long to get ready, no matter how gorgeous they look at the end of it, they are still ugly to you?”
“Not exactly,” I answered. “They may look gorgeous, like you said. But they aren’t beautiful. You’re talking about something totally different.”
She looked at me like I was a crazy person. I probably sounded like one.
“So what do you focus on first when you see a girl. Tell me what goes through your mind?” she asked.
“Aside from the obvious? I look to see how much makeup they have on. If there’s a lot of it, I don’t much look at them anymore, at least not in a serious way. Yeah, I might imagine what it’d be like to sleep with them, but I don’t imagine that she’s ever read a book that we could both talk about. An airhead piloting a body.”
“Bullshit, and surprisingly sexist,” she said. “What if she’s actually really smart but just happens to wear a bit too much makeup? What if she’s the girl of your dreams, but you just don’t know it? You miss out on her just because she has too much makeup on?”
“The girl of my dreams wouldn’t wear that much makeup. I just assume that there is something that isn’t clicking in her head is all. I feel like that’s usually the case. I like to think that I’ve dodged a few bullets, but who’d ever know?”
“So, what’s your ideal girl then?”
“She doesn’t need a lot of makeup to feel confident. She doesn’t follow fashion trends and wouldn’t know how to if she tried. She knows a lot about something. And not just a lot about some reality TV show either. She has to know a lot about something that she’s passionate about. Something that means something, you know? Something selfless, preferably. She doesn’t say stupid shit on the internet to everyone like I’m so happy I have the best BF ever! and stuff like that. I don’t want a girlfriend that makes me cringe.”
“You are a weird person, you know that? There’s something off about you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You present yourself as perfectly normal, but I could tell the first time we hung out that you think way too deeply about things that other people don’t. You get caught up in all the thinking and not all the living. You don’t live enough. That’s why everything is so hard for you to understand. Because you look for meaning where there isn’t any meaning.”
“Now who’s thinking too much?”
“Seriously,” she said. “You look for meaning where there is none. Think of it this way; just accept that some things in life have no meaning. Most things people do have little to no meaning at all. So if you try to find any, you’ll just either get disappointed or frustrated. You look for meaning, and this makes you limit the things you are willing to try. But if you would just accept that there is no meaning, that some things just simply are, you would be willing to try anything within reason. But you don’t. You’re too stubborn to admit that some things just don’t have any meaning.”
She was probably right.
“So what’s your ideal guy?” I asked.
“I just want a guy who can think about all this stuff, because sometimes you’re right, but I want a guy that can think about it and not let it ruin his life.”