“You’re not going,” her father said gripping the steering wheel. “I don’t like what those other kids are into.”
Pressing her fingers against the falling rain outside, Shirley glared out of the passenger window with her feet resting on the dashboard.
“It’s a book club, Dad,” Shirley said. “Even parents are going to be there.”
“I don’t like what their parents are into either.”
“You don’t know what they are into. Have you even read any of these books, Dad? Do you even know what I’m reading? Like, you pay more attention to the books you don’t want me to read outside of class than the ones I’m studying in school. It doesn’t make sense.”
Her father continued to stare beyond the windshield, “Until you’re eighteen, what I say doesn’t need to make sense. What I say goes. You just listen and do. I pick you up from school so you don’t have to ride the bus, I do your laundry, I pay the bills. I do everything for you. The least you can do is show me some respect.”
Shirley’s breath grew shallow and her eyes began to flood.
“Those are things parents are expected to do, Dad. They’re not supposed to be things you hold over your kid’s head. Half of those things I don’t even want you to do. I want to ride the bus, Dad. All my friends ride the bus. And I definitely don’t want you doing my laundry. You ruin everything of mine you put in the dryer anyway.”
“That’s enough, Shirley,” her father growled. “You can be the boss when you have kids of your own.”
“That won’t be long. I’m the only girl that’s forced to sit in the hallway during Sex Ed. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”
Her father turned his head away from the road, “Why is that embarrassing?”
December 27th, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Poor Shirley
December 27th, 2012 at 7:17 pm
I assume this is the start of what will be a longer piece. I like what you’ve got so far. It flows, conversationally. It’s true-to-life. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.
December 27th, 2012 at 11:40 pm
Great start, man. I’m excited to read what follows.
December 28th, 2012 at 1:58 am
That is one good piece.
December 28th, 2012 at 9:45 am
This really captures a complicated dynamic between parent and child, father and daughter. Intriguing…
December 28th, 2012 at 10:56 am
The story feels incomplete to me
December 28th, 2012 at 11:24 am
It is. This is just an excerpt. Thanks for reading.
December 28th, 2012 at 3:32 pm
Dad… is that you???
December 28th, 2012 at 7:39 pm
I’ve had cousins with a father like that. Sadly, I don’t think he ever realized just how much he hurt his relationship with his kids by trying to control them to the point of placing them in his pocket so they might die there, smothered.
Good excerpt. Can’t wait to see more.
December 29th, 2012 at 3:31 am
Hi David. You leave the story at a critical point. Shirley’s response determines the whole evolution of the story. It would be interesting to ask your readers to write the next few paragraphs. The potential outcomes are infinite….this is the exciting part of story writing….weaving a way through all the different possibilities.
December 29th, 2012 at 3:47 am
That’s actually a really interesting idea. Definitely something I would love someone to do. Possibly my next post. Thanks a bunch for this amazing idea.
December 29th, 2012 at 3:59 am
You’re very welcome…..the challenge would be hard to resist.
December 29th, 2012 at 2:00 pm
You have captured being a teenage girl for sure, and I love John’s idea. I am currently trying something similar on my blog. I have asked my readers to help me build a life for my main character Jane. I hope the challenge of weaving them into Jane’s life will help me grow and think outside my own experiences. I can give you teenage girl if you can give me a character in Jane’s story
Keep up the good work I am enjoying.
December 29th, 2012 at 5:20 am
David, I’m trying to imagine an entire novel or novella that this was lifted from, because it would be a fantastic read. You captured young Shirley’s voice perfectly, and the father in your story gave me some flashbacks.
December 29th, 2012 at 8:54 am
Ow.
December 29th, 2012 at 3:24 pm
I wish I had parents who cared that much. I was in Chess Club for four years and my mom didn’t know about it until two years after I graduated high school. I mean, really? What did she think I was doing every Wednesday after school for four years? My dad used to hide in the garage on “cleaning days” that he assigned to us lol
December 29th, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Love it. And I like the way it ends. It’s a little slice of life right there – complete and incomplete!
January 1st, 2013 at 3:40 pm
Good start! Also makes me realize how fortunate I was to have parents who encouraged me to read whatever I wanted, especially the stuff banned by my school. Catcher in the Rye, Huckleberry Finn . . .
January 1st, 2013 at 9:54 pm
I stopped by to thank you for your “Like” on Walking the Cat and decided to take a few minutes to browse your archives. I liked this piece, even as an excerpt. It drew me in. . .I feel almost as sorry for Shirley’s Dad as I do for Shirley. . .He’s trying, I think, to protect his daughter from things he doesn’t understand and to him those things are “bad”.. . .I’d like to see how Shirley manages to “bring him around”, if she can. . .